Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
