he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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