Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
