im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
