if you like me you must not know who I am
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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