Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
It's just like the Real World with babies
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
