Can i not drive my cunt home
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
