i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We are two peas in an std pod
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize