Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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