Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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