Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We were destined to go to rehab together
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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