Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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