my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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