I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
