I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
