I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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