watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
