I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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