I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
