i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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