I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
