I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
