I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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