There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize