Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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