Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
