is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
