I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
