you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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