What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
