plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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