Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
