Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
