Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
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