Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
