Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
