Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
