After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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