i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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