do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
This house was built for laser tag.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
