At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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