Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
