after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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