I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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