I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I need moral support for this bender
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
