you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
