a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
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