R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
