i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
