Soap is not a condiment
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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