so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
