so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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