Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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