It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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