Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
And then he peed in my hair
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