No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
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