It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Randomize