Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
