I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
