Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
