Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize