I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
