I must be too annoying 4 u.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
