yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
