Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
