just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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