U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My dick has a subreddit
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
