youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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