Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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