you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
