i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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