I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
