At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
